Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Craigslist Encounters: WHAT A FUCKING MORON

This is one I've been working on for a while. It's not as funny as I'd like it to be because the target wasn't as reactionary as I'd hoped, BUT, the outcome is worth the read! Trust me. This has to be the most elaborate prank/troll I have ever pulled off. You might have a hard time understanding whats happening in these screen shots because the subject is so retarded, so I'll try my best to explain whats happening along the way.

First off, I'm playing the part of Michaela, but before we begin here's our lovely craigslist ad:

To save time I'll explain that I replied via fake email, and asked him to contact me on facebook so that he could see what I look like. He didn't waste anytime.

He doesn't quite get it...

 But now I have his phone # and address... then this happened...

I gave him a random address in a bad part of town. At this point he still hasn't even heard my voice and he's asked me to move in with him. So to avoid gaining suspicion later on, I had one of my good female friends give him a call. Over the phone they arranged for her move in date to be Saturday night, and that he needs to stay home during the day because she was having her things delivered to his house while she was at work. My next plan of action was to answer as many "furniture for sale ads" as possible, ask for delivery on saturday, and give them his address. Here's one of the emails I sent...

hi there, i'm very interested in couch. the only problem is that i have no car and my boyfriend's is in the shop, plus i dont know anyone with a truck. i figured its a long shot but since we're both in XXXXXX i would be happy to purchase it if there was some way for you to transport it to me. we're willing to pay extra for your troubles. would $650 be sufficient? there's not a lot of XXXXXX ads on craigslist so i thought i'd ask. my address is XXXX 1st street, XXXXX thank you - michaela & daniel

I sent about 10 of these emails out and almost all of them agreed to show up some time on Saturday. I informed them that I'd be working but my boyfriend Daniel would be there to make the transaction. So to sum up, on Saturday he will have about 6-7 people show up to his house throughout the day expecting him to purchase heavy furniture that they had to lug to his house. Chairs, dinettes, coffee tables, couches, etc. Obviously he would have to either purchase them or turn them away one after another. Then after all of that confusion, if he's still too stupid to figure out he had been fooled, he would then drive 45 minutes out of his way to a strangers house to find that his 'one love' does not in fact exist. Sounds like a bad day to me. I'll leave you with the after math...

After all of this, he refuses to believe that he was fooled. 

Finally he get's it... sort of...

As promised I sent a few screenshots to the family linked to his profile, including the link to his still active craigslist ad. So yeah, I'm an asshole. Thanks if you read all of this, I hope you enjoyed it.

Also naturally, I had quite a bit of angry emails from those who wasted their time delivering the furniture, I figured this blog would drag on too long with those added reactions, if you'd like to see them let me know in the comments and I'll post the reactions in my next blog. Thanks for reading.

If you enjoyed this you might also like:

Monday, September 27, 2010

The New "Comic Book" Movie?

Sam Rami's Spiderman movie started a big bang of other superhero stories hitting the big screen. A trend that is still going strong today. If you haven't noticed by now, movies happen in trends. When lord of the rings was big, we had medieval craze going on for a while. Studios want to milk the tit of what's currently popular until we get sick of that particular brand of milk. Comic book films are the milkiest tit in the biz right now but the milk is starting to run dry as we come closer to running out of heroes, and we've already started to dip into the reboot experiments, but I sense that a new challenger approaches. Web site movies. "The social network" has already gotten so much hype before it's release that Google is trying to catch a ride on this speeding train. Ken Auletta’s bestselling book "Googled: The End Of The World As We Know It" is currently being adapted for the silver screen. So what's next? Myspace: Tom's revenge or maybe a biopic about the rise and fall of Classmates.com? Either way, I can't wait to sell the rights for "The Mental Masochist: A Blogspot.com Story" 

If you'd like to find out some good ways to stick it to the man, and see these movies for free, my pal Rusty Cage wrote a blog with some good ideas here, get-into-movies-for-free Check it out and follow him if you dig it. He's a very generous one, that guy.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Toilet Thoughts: AN IDEAL WORLD

I’m one to ponder as deeply as the mind will allow. During moments of passing time, the questioning of existence and reality come into play. I usually tend to cling to the thoughts idealism give me. Idealism is a philosophical theory that suggests the ultimate existence of reality is held within the mind. I think I cling to this thought because of how much I want the possibility to exist. If there were the smallest of possibilities that I am just a conscious being that projects my reality exclusively within my mind, than what I perceive of reality wouldn’t really be reality at all. Everything we know will mean nothing. Our quest for certainty will become even more lost in the expanding infinity of uncertainty. Maybe then, maybe with the slightest crack of a doorway that would shine a mere glimpse of possibility, I would be able to dwell further into the belief that my physical form is only a mental projection from another dimension. Feelings, senses, and thought would be at the tip of the iceberg for human potential, if human is what we even are… But then as I sit and ponder on my porcelain throne the biological waste expels from my body and splashes into the pool of toilet water that was once peaceful only moments before. It is at this moment that I realize that, perhaps, I am more of a physical being than I’d like to be. What use would an infinite mind capable of creating realities within realities have for such useless acts such as wiping poop from your exterior? So now in this moment of shame, I realize that my existence and the existence of my surroundings are material. Shit always seems to tell me that a material existence is more absolute than an ideal one. Because in an ideal world, poop wouldn't exist.

PREview REview: Harry Potter vs. Harry Potter

This isn't a review for the movie itself. It's a review on how clear and enticing the trailer is on provoking interest in the film, or how deceptive it is on luring you into watching crap.

I'll preference this with the fact that I haven't read any of the Harry Potter books so I honestly don't know what to expect from the Deathly Hallows films.With that said, a second Harry Potter trailer was released this week for Deathly Hallows Part 1, but let's begin with the first trailer that was released.

First off, I loved this preview. This trailer did lack one thing that most trailers require, plot points, which is usually done with snippets of dialog. The dialog in this trailer does not outline the plot of the film, it just moves the dramatics and action of the trailer forward. Now let me tell you why this was completely acceptable. Usually, a teaser gives you a glimpse of the film's imagery with no plot points, just to give you a taste, and a trailer gives you a bigger picture of what to expect from all aspects of the film. Teasers are mainly used for action or suspense based films. You'll never see a teaser for a Jane Austin adaption because dramas' only selling points are plot related. This was not a teaser, regardless of the lack of verbal plot hints. This was a full on trailer for two reasons...

1) The film's main audience already knows what to expect since they read the books, so more time for action.
2) (My favorite aspect) The plot points are laid out visually, even recognizable to someone who has no interest in the HP books (me). The land scape shots display the journey that Harry must take. Harry also seems torn from his usual trio, conveying that he's alone during his journey. Ron and Hermione are paired away from Harry to reveal their separate struggle (subplot?) And of course the beautiful conveyance of conflict and connection between good and evil. The first character scene with Voldemort and Harry is bone chilling, along with the closing scene of clashing beams, a stimulating display of the ying and yang of good vs evil. This trailer had me on the edge of my seat wanting more, despite my lacking allegiance to Harry Potter.

Now on to trailer #2

This trailer is just as enticing, if not more. You get the whole package with this one. Plot elements are shown with Snape in conference with Voldemort, plans for disguising Harry, and the amazing display of conflict between Ron and Harry. You get everything from the previous trailer plus so much more. But there in lies my only quarrel with the trailer. I have found that if a trailer is too enticing and too revealing, it ruins the elements of catharsis for me when I end up sitting in front of the actual film. This is a dying cliche in the movie marketing biz, but if you want your audience to be more entertained from the film itself than the actual trailer, 'less is more'. Given that this is an amazing trailer, I feel that way too much has been revealed at this point. I've seen about five solid minutes of action flashes and sequences now, and I have a feeling that I've caught a glimpse of every climactic action scene, just like when a comedy trailer shows all their funniest parts, so now I'll be sitting there thinking "Oh Hermione is being chased. This is the part where she does that thing and black smoke appears", and so on.

I loved both of these trailers, they are mastered beautifully to intrigue both it's loyal and un-loyal fans. But I think it would have done just as good a job with just one rather than two. I feel like I've already scene the whole movie while it was on fast forward, so now my only motivation to buy a ticket is to watch it at normal speed so I can see what I missed. The only problem here is that the two previews are too good for their own good.

Check out last week's PREview REview: Preview Review - The Fighter/Hereafer

For more good info, art, and tomfoolery check out RustyCage

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I got another friend request, this one was from one of those annoying girls that use facebook as a medium for feeding their ego with googles of attention. I have no idea who this girl is, so she obviously adds random guys because she knows they will comment on her provocative pictures. This comment/attention addiction is an epidemic with youngsters. Self esteem and social status is now measured by how many comments and "like" buttons get hit on your page. So I've taken it upon myself to push these girls off their pedestal. It only took one comment to send her mouse pointer flying toward that "remove friend", followed by the "block this person" button. My comment is down at the bottom if you want to skip all the OMG I LOVE YOU rhetoric.

But just to show you what goes through my mind when I creep on peoples' profiles, I posted all my thoughts in RED. Enjoy.

If my debauchery entertained you there's more here:

Also check this guy out if you haven't already, pretty sweet legit blog:


Monday, September 20, 2010

Time to be selfless for selfish reasons.

rustycage blog
I love finding newborn bloggers, they're so innocent and cute. But in reality I enjoy finding new legit blogs that deserve a second look. Of course I'm always interested in a good blog, but you also gotta love the loyalty you get from a new blogger. They're so helpless, so naturally any support you throw there way is certainly rewarded back to you. I found this blog today and I can tell I'm gonna be coming back to this one. Definitely more unique from a lot of the others I've seen. There are just two posts so far and I'm already jealous of his blog, check him out show some love, and I'm sure you'll get the same back. If this turns out to be helpful to everyone, I'll try to post a newborn legit blog that I find every once and a while. Thanks for the support!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

You want to be my friend? FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!

Every once and while I get these Facebook friend requests from complete strangers, usually from preteen girls who can't sleep at night unless they have 600 friends. I used to just hit that taboo "ignore" button, but I decided there's a much more entertaining way to handle these type of situations. So I shower them with nonsense until they delete me, HA! That'll show 'em for trying to be my friend! This was my first accomplishment, she deleted me just after 3 posts. GREAT SUCCESS. The only downside to this post is that you'll know that my name is not in fact "Dodd". So now you know I'm a big fat liar and you'll probably never come to my blog again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings! Please don't leave me! If I get some good feedback on this, I'll keep posting these as I go.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday PREview REview

How'd you get behind me so fast? Say hi to your mother for me.
I thought I'd try something new. So I thought I'd start reviewing movie trailers, remember this isn't a review for the movie itself. It's a review on how clear and enticing the trailer is on provoking interest in the  film, or how deceptive it is on luring you into watching crap. 

Some new trailers were released this week. Lets start with the good. The trailer for "The Fighter" coming out December 10th.

Good cast, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, and Marky Mark even seems to land his role decently.

Clear outline of the character's goal and struggle to achieve it.  Making something of himself as a boxer.

Clear opposition of the goal. What he'll have to become in order to reach the top, a sell out.

Nice display of subtext displaying a possible moral/message behind the story simply put with Wahlberg's line "I'm the one fighting, not you, not you, and not you".

It's hard to see what the possible subplot would be, there's some indication that it focuses on the brother (Bale) or the entire family as a whole. But that's what's good about this trailer, it's not overcrowded with the mentionings of subplots, it's clear and precise on what to expect from the movie, and if a trailer can be clear and honest while leaving you wanting more, than you know you'll get your money's worth come December.

Now the bad, and this one hurts for me to say. Clint Eastwood's "Hereafter".

The only good thing I picked up from this is that it's Clint Eastwood's and that it stars Matt Damon, but to me it seems just from watching two and a half minutes, that Damon just can't fit into this role.

The trailer is clear about the characters struggle to hide from his past or from his proposed ability/curse to communicate with dead people. But what the hell is the plot? He just walks around telling people he's not a psychic anymore.

Then the epic music ignites with scenes of disaster implying potential character deaths, and confirmed character deaths, always a no-no. Don't lead me to believe, and for god sakes don't flat out tell me that character is gonna die, no matter how small the role. Between character kill-offs we see a character crying, and then another, but we don't quite know why and the ambiguously, out-of-context, lines of dialog say nothing. Ok we get it, this movie is dramatic and it's about death. OOOOOOHHHHH! I'M SO INTRIGUED!

Clearly this is a character driven plot, but this movie does have a physical plot in there somewhere and we need to see what it is so that we know WHY we have to care about Damon's character.

The main thing that is clear about this trailer is that they just threw something together because they're clearly just trying to ride on the coat tails of Eastwood and Damon's names to be enough to sell the movie. I hope the same effort didn't go into the actual production of the film.

I will say that I thought something similar about Gran Tarino's trailer, and that film blew me away, so maybe trailers just aren't Eastwood's forte.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


 The first thing you should realize before reading this is that the only thing you know for certain is that you don't know anything for certain.

In reference to science, the theology and philosophy behind most faiths suggest that science is either a tool of God or a tool of the Devil. It's said when science disproves spirituality it's because the devil gave man science in order to do that. One of my favorite movie quotes is "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." Let's assume there are higher spiritual powers at work. We would be like animals to them. It's like a dog trying to understand a movie plot. A dog thinks a vacuum is evil, my when we see a demon, it's just God doing his laundry? But seriously what does that say about our understanding of spiritual beings would be. By making this claim, we have to assume that our human logic would not even compare to follow theirs. Throw out the bible or any other holy books written by man, I'm talking about the general concept of spirituality.

I've known people that believe with every fiber of their being that they've seen an angel or a demon, even if it was for a split second. Now of course I tell them that science has proven that the mind is very capable of pulling tricks and hallucinations on you. When I was 5, I thought shadows on my wall formed faces, I know now that it was just my imagination. Here's in lies the issue of uncertainty. It's just as possible for science to be a facet of spiritual deception than it is for faith to be a product of psychological delusion.

If you're able to keep an open mind, you have to consider that both can discredit one another. But, that doesn't change that fact that I think belief in demons, ghosts, angles, and gods is a HUGE delusion. But I don't rule out the fact maybe I'm the one disillusioned.

Have you ever experienced anything spiritual or super natural? Are you 100% certain it was what you think you saw?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'm a Bastard, I know. Here's how you can be too.

Is some douchebag being an asshole? Need to get back at your ex? Or do you just need some lulz? Here's a little trick I created that is guaranteed to stir up some shit.

Monday, September 13, 2010


I don't want to live on this planet anymore
Ok, so I know I'm being a complete hypocrite by saying this but I completely HATE "vloggers". It doesn't bother me that their videos are embarrassingly hard for me to watch, or that their thumbnails clutter my youtube homepage, or that the top dogs make hundreds of thousands of dollars by making generically silly comments about Snookie and commentary on funny cat videos that we've all scene 100 times already.  More power to 'em, that's what we're trying to get done here right? $$$ for doing close to jack shit. Maybe their celebrity status raises an envious brow, but that's not what this rant is about. What's bothering me is that popular vloggers are being classified as entertainers by the entertainment industry, one guy is getting a TV pilot because he plays characters that don't even reach the same comedic caliber of a bad Mad TV skit or those "from the makers of scary movie 3" spoof movies. This is what worries me, because TV networks are drooling over the potential green that could be made from the "Justin Beiber" 11-16 year old female demographic that religiously subscribe to these channels. Soon enough we'll start seeing the THE PHILIP DEFRANCO BIOPIC COMING THIS SUMMER or RAY WILLIAM JOHNSON COMMENTS ON CLIPS FROM OTHER MOVIES FOR 2 HOURS WHILE HE'S IN A MOVIE. And then that's it. POOF! That will be the end of entertainment integrity. When this preteen Twitter demographic hits adulthood, the artistry of Christopher Nolan's INCEPTION or Tarantino's INGLORIOUS BASTARDS would be considered as drab and outdated because it's longer that 6 minutes, and there are no dancing cats, and the characters use complete sentences. 

My point is that it used to actually take some effort to entertain the masses, you needed more than a video camera and a generic overplayed opinion to get studio or network recognition. Our standards are rapidly dropping therefore our entertainment value is as well. I'll have nothing left if they take my TV and movies away from me, I'd have to start reading books, OH GOD What a tragedy that would be!

So if you actually read this, tell me what you think. I'm I totally off the ship? I'm I just too lame and bitter to see what's hip these day? Or am I on to something here? Do you think the virus in viral videos are spreading to the rest of the entertainment mediums? Is that a bad thing if it is? 

Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Trolls, lulz, & word verifications

Word verification? "ajuiiticu" isn't even a real word!

I'm working on two big blog projects right now, one of which being another craigslist troll that was so kindly requested from an adoring fan... ok no more gloating. Anyway, posts will be drab for the next few days not that anyone will notice or care at this point except for me... ok no more self pity. So in the mean time I'll post a little info to keep the blog blood flowing.

I've noticed that there's lots of us still ridin' dirty with some word verifications in the comment box. If you're one of those trying to ride this "supporting bro" gravy train, this Word Verification step is one annoying stop to make on the choo choo, so check to see if you're one of the ones slowing us down; I know I used to be until someone pointed it out

Ok, now you know, so DO IT. It's so easy a caveman can do it. Hmmm. I wonder if adsense will put up some Geico ads now. Oh would you look at me, I'm rambling again...

check out my trolls ladies

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Craigslist Encounters: The boy scout

It's 9/11 so we all might need some laughs since everyone's pissed about nut jobs burning Korans when it doesn't really mean anything. I like to mess with people on craigslist from time to time so here are some of my 'encounters', it's just too easy.

Check out my thoughts on the business behind burning Korans. I'm hoping to open some eyes, so spread the word if you agree with me. http://wordofdodd.blogspot.com/2010/09/business-of-burning-books.html

Who wants to have sex tonight? - m4w - 26 (Sacramento)

I can make you feel weak in the knees, I will make you wet, I love giving oral sex, You won't be disappointed. I want to hook up with you so bad I will lick your pussy for as long as you want till you tell me to stop. Here is a little about me. Hello I am Landon I’m 26 and I’m a easy going fun loving kind of guy. No kids never been married and drug free Drama free and disease free.. I just finished School and I am a certified Medical Assistant. I’m out going, adventurous, loving, caring, romantic, and most of all fun. I like to have a good time. I am looking for someone I can share that with. I’m also a great kisser. I’m 6’1” 205lb dark brown hair blue eyes. I your interested drop me an e-mail with a picture. My computer won’t send pictures so you can see me on Facebook under Xxxxxxx de Graaff. 

Let's see what your friends think...

And your sister...

And your father...

Friday, September 10, 2010

The business of burning books

There are so many things to say about this but I’m going to stray from the obvious. The much larger problem here is not that fact that a Christian church is burning Korans on 9/11, although it might appear that you can’t get much worse than that. What people are failing to see is that this is the beginning of a trend. Westboro Baptist church started this trend with their outlandish anti-Semitic, anti-gay, anti-America protests. So why would an organization want to create such bad publicity for themselves? To have their message heard? To preach the ‘truth’ to save people from the depths of hell? No. The leaders of Westboro are committed to the same  higher power that we all commit to. Money, and in this case, easy money.  Fred Phelps is the leader of Westboro and he has an advantage that scares me more than a southern religious radical with the right bear arms, a family full of lawyers. The church has sued everything from the U.S. military, police departments, city governments, property owners, and down to the bereaved parents of dead soldiers that spoke out about the Westboro protests that took place at their child’s memorial. The Westboro Baptist Church does not violate any laws, but they do abuse their right of free speech to provoke others into violating them. They want negative attention, they want acts of violence, the want an uproar so that they can create any opportunity to sue the hot pants off of the very people that protect their rights and provide their “non-profit organization” with TAX FREE land. Low and behold this ludicrous sham works like a charm. Standing behind every carefully thought out scam is a wall of skilled lawyers that know legal loop holes like the back of a $100 dollar bill. I guess you can’t hate the playa, so hate the game. So is any of this starting to ring a bell? Guess who figured this out and wants in on the controversy gravy train?

This scam is perfect. Everybody hates the loonies at Westboro, but this Florida pastor has America torn in two. Because of 9/11 and other acts of Muslim extremism, boat loads of Americans think that the Muslim religion is an evil, violent cult. But it’s easy to feel that way since we only hear about the acts of violence done in the name of Allah. Hmmmm. I wonder why the Muslim extremists over seas think America is such a bad place. Maybe it’s because all they hear about is how our churches burn Korans and hate Islam. We never hear about the peaceful side of the Muslim faith, and they never hear about the peaceful side of Christianity. But I’m assuming western religion is even used for the purpose of peace. I wonder if Buddhists ever burn holy books.

The Gainesville church has got the whole city on lock down. Major streets have police check points where you must show I.D. and proof of residence, like an electricity bill. Protesters are flooding the streets of Afghanistan. American soldiers are being targeted and our country is on whatever color means ‘bad’ on the danger scale. President Obama has even spoken out, asking the Florida pastor to withdraw from his protest on Saturday. But he doesn’t care, he’s putting peoples lives in danger, including his own, because that’s what he wants. Controversy. It leads to a higher chance of  someone going vigilante on their asses, be it a soldier’s father or a Muslim extremist. Anything to give him a reason to sue the individuals and the city. The police have to protect their right to protest and if anyone slips through, it gives the Church grounds to sue the city. (Westboro has done this several times)  In response to Obama’s plea, Pastor Jones said he will not proceed with his plans for Saturday if he can meet in New York with Muslim leaders seeking to build a mosque near ground zero. Yeah. Right. Like we’ll let this nut hole represent America in a meeting held with Muslim leaders. All that demand does is create more anger and more controversy.

How can we truly stop this trend in it’s tracks before churches and organizations around the world keep escalating the levels of controversy and danger to maximize profits? At least the members of the Taliban kill themselves for their beliefs. This whole thing would be a little bit better if Pastor Jones threw himself in the fire with the Korans. But there’s no belief or faith here. Just money to be made thanks to our wonderfully fair justice system. If this trend keeps moving we might end up with American Christian extremists comparable to the Taliban, but only if there’s money in it. We are giving these organizations exactly what they want. The media is having a field day, or week, and they want you to think that they’re noble by exposing the church, but all they’re doing to fueling the fire by creating the controversy for the purpose of ratings. The only way to put out this fire is to completely ignore them. If the media didn’t cover it and people didn’t protest against it, the church wouldn’t be in danger of anything so there would be no chance of retaliation. But that won’t happen. I’m like your mom telling you to just ignore the bullies at school but you wont will you. Another way to end this trend is to create or amend a law that doesn’t make the government liable for not protecting you when you act like an idiot. These organizations mock you right to your face while hiding behind daddy. So the best thing to do at this point is just walk away, take away their power. But common sense is not the American way. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. I’m going to Planet Vulcan where everything is based on logic. But I need money for a spaceship so I’m burning Oprah magazines until her show is taken off the air!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Craigslist Encounters: The dog's name is Ludakris

Still Missing~Ludakris~Male Min Pin~Black/brownish red markings~REWARD$$$
Ludakris has been missing for over a month now. Luda is a tiny miniature pinscher because of his size people have mistaken him for a chihuahua. Lu has black fur with brownish red markings. Luda is an unaltered male, his tail was docked but ears were not cropped. Ludakris has a cowlick on his neck that resembles a mohawk. If you have noticed a dog like this in your neighborhood PLEASE contact us. Luda is six years old and has only known one family. We are heartbroken over him, we are offering a reward for his return. Please contact us by email or one of the numbers listed below. Thank you.  

I wanted to let you know that I might found what your looking for. I found a dog that was hanging around some other dogs in my hood that sorta fit your description. he's definitely black with redish markings and he seems to look up and appear alert when ever I call out "Ludakris" or even "Luda". He's appears to be a little bigger than a chihuahua so there's argument there. I haven't gotten close up enough to take him in yet so that's all I've been able to see so far. I can probably get close enough to take some pictures if you'd like me to, then I can email them to you so you can see if it's your pet or not. Let me know if you'd like me to do that for you.

Best of luck,

PLEASE if you could take a picture, if not I'm willing to drive to your neighborhood and check it out myself. He's been missing for over a month now and he is use to other dogs, we have two other dogs one half pit half lab the other is half rott half lab so he's use to the big dogs. I appreciate you writing it gives me hope. You can call me if you like xxx/xxx-xxxx or text my daughter at xxx/xxx-xxxx or just email me again....THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Here are some pictures of Ludakris, black with brownish red accents


How sad of a life do you have??? you have nothing better to do than harass people through email...shows what kind of low life you are. Karma is a bitch and  yours is coming!!!!!

Oh my word! I am SO sorry! I left my email open on the family computer and my smart alek 13 year old son thought that would be funny. Last week he did something similar in response to a work related email and almost got me in some serious trouble. I can only try to understand your frustration and I believe your rude response was justified considering the circumstances, but I don't believe an inappropriate action such as this would automatically label someone as a "low life". I will say that he is extremely immature and disrespectful and I'm trying everything in my power to straighten him out before he actually becomes a low life in his adulthood, but I will make sure he is properly disciplined and I hope as a fellow parent you will understand. Anyway, I'm sure at this point there's no way for you to know if I'm telling the truth or not but I should tell you that I have taken the dog in, to avoid losing him to someone else or in general, and I would still be willing to send you actual photos of the actual dog. At this point I think we should establish that the dog could potentially belong to you before I give out my address, or vise versa, to avoid any further hostility or confusion. Again I'm sorry about the immature rudeness.

I apologize for the remark I made about your son being a "low life"  but you have to understand my frustration. This is NOT the first time this has happened, I have received several emails and a few phone calls like this. Our dog has been missing for over a month now and my patience for this type of harassment is thin.  I will put myself out again, we would LOVE to see REAL pictures of the dog and possibly a phone number where I can contact you. Yes, I have children so I understand your frustration and commend you for writing back and explaining what had happened. My home phone is xxx/xxx-xxxx. Thank you.



You have no reason to apologize I completely understand, I just wanted you to know what actually happened. Anyway, here are some real photos of the actual dog, I hope they're to your liking. No hard feelings.

PS I live in citrus heights I'm not sure if that's close to where you lost the dog but that might be helpful to know when looking at the pics


No hard feelings at all. I've already contacted Craigslist to obtain your information and the Citrus Heights Police next time you feel like messing with someone you shouldn't use your own computer, it makes it easy to trace you. I've saved every email...thanks

Oh thank you very much. I'm sure the police department's first priority is to track down some harmless internet prankster. I hope you show them every email including the one where you state, "Karma is a bitch and  yours is coming!!!!!" I hope that doesn't come off as threatening because we both might end up with the internet swat team bursting through our windows. That's assuming you actually contacted craigslist and CH PD and you're not just bluffing in a poor attempt to scare me off. But if you did bother them with this minuscule affair I'm sure they got a good laugh at your expense. Don't worry I'm just joking around I'm actually working with the FBI which will out rank the Citrus Heights cyber police department. You see, my only goal in this was to help you. I'm actually part of the Internet Protection Agency and I was testing you to see how susceptible you were to internet foolery, and you failed. Not only did you give out your home number and city of residence, but your DAUGHTERS phone number! I'm assuming that might be Kristi's number. See using your actual email address can be harmful as well. Our department has been able to not only track down you but your children James, Kristi and Tyler as well, not to mention your siblings Mike, Ron, and Michelle. Thank God this was only a test and I'm not some hacker or deviant. I have also saved every email so that I can show my fellow colleagues for training purposes.

Well, I hope this has been helpful to you and I hope you've learned from this. Thank you for your participation and I wish you the best. Remember, a discreet internet is a safe one!

Ron Swanson
Head Security Adviser IPA
Washington, District of Columbia

bloggers against vloggers

Today I became aware that a certain YouTube “vlogger” banked a healthy $315,000 last year.  Anytime you see six numbers standing behind that indicative little dollar sign, it always brings out the same curious nature in me that takes life #9 from our feline compadres . Unfortunately I don’t have the same luxury that cats do when it comes to second chances. But I carry forward by using my natural instinct for self disobedience instead of self control and decide to see what it takes to earn a heart surgeon’s pay grade with biweekly 3 minute video blogs. I search for the gifted young fellow and begin to view his latest video profoundly titled “SILLY BANDS ARE RACIST!!!!!”. Before I can reach for my first popcorn kernel, we open with the still image of a young preteen model, followed by the male commentator’s narrative for the posed adolescent subject,  “(Sigh) I wish I could suck his dick.” After a grueling sixty seconds of mindless banter between the male and his female costar, we finally discover that the purpose behind today’s video is to unlock the racist conspiracy behind “Silly Bands”.  Our conventionally sarcastic hero discovers that within the colorful array of Silly Bands there is not one single black rubber bracelet among them. The remaining minute of this two minute feature consists of the female sidekick picking toys off the shelf for her male counterpart to make inane comments on. It reminded me of the awkward trips to the mall I used to take with my friends in 8th grade.  Only if I had documented those mindless experiences. But, if you had told me then that my juvenile observations on consumer products would be worth more than gold today, I would have said you were gay for a good laugh and some high fives from my pals. 

I’m 24 years old and I didn’t think I’d reach this level of cynicism until I was in my fifties. But something is seriously fucked up here, and I’m not blaming youth. It’s this fucked up society, this disastrous thing that we call American culture. You can say that this rant is just a vent for jealous rage and I’m not denying that I’m envious of anyone that makes $300,000 for doing practically nothing. But that’s not what this is about. I’m sensing a pattern here that will only assist the world with it’s self destruction. If you’ve ever thought for even one moment “What the hell is wrong with these kids today?” Maybe you ask yourself that because our nation’s test scores are still declining, or maybe you see that the light of our future leaders becomes more dim with every new coming generation. So what is wrong with the youth of today? Maybe one of my biggest fears can answer that question. I dread the day when 20 year olds can reach celebrity status for voicing pointless opinions about racist rubber bands. I dread the day when millions upon millions of kids idolize these people. Why would any kid want to go through the financial mess and exertion of higher education when marketing your documented thoughts on meaningless endeavors becomes a more logical career choice. Think about it. When is it going to start bothering everybody when the president’s salary is comparable to guy that impersonates a gang banging version Justin Bieber, or when the loud mouth attempted rape victim from the projects enters a higher tax bracket than the police officers protecting them. There are at least 10 of these YouTubers making over $100,000 with silly videos featuring gimmicks like talking oranges and teenage news correspondents with chipmunk voices. The less popular kids make a pathetic $30,000 to $80,000 annually. Some might compare this to the ridiculous contracts actors and athletes get. But I can at least respect the dedication and hard work it took to develop their talent, which is what these treasured American icon’s most certainly lack. A number of these channels are categorized as “sketch comedy”, but the comedic structure is comparable to 10 year olds making prank phone calls, and the punch lines are no less expected as the beloved kick in the groin during America’s Funniest Videos. 

So next time you find yourself asking “What’s wrong with these kids?” Consider the monster we created. The society that  gives power to the morons of the world. A market that generously compensates those who so cleverly discovered the easily pulled heart strings of preteens. We gave them the medium for doing this without any buffer between them and the professionals. If the average pay for a rocket scientist is $150,000 a year than maybe one of these dear diary video makers will discover the cure for cancer with their $300,000. Or maybe these commentators are part of the cancer killing the world’s integrity.