I never want to wake up.

I Have No Heart. So I Have No Friends.

Got blocked by another Facebook friend today, only this one wasn't really my friend, and it really wasn't me that got blocked. I received a strange message on one of my fake FB profiles, and my first reaction was to just ignore it...

I had no idea what this was about. I hadn't logged into this profile for months. But out of boredom, I saw an opportunity to pass some time. Sorry, I had to block the pic because I'm using someone's identity that possibly views this blog, and they kinda don't know about it... oops...

Well let's ask her boyfriend Reece about this misunderstanding...

This is boring. A conversation with myself would be more interesting than this drab...

Well this isn't very interesting either. Maybe if I splash it up with some photoshop... 

And wallah...

There. That's better... Now I want to show off my pretty picture to my friends...

:( I guess she didn't like it...

and I guess we weren't meant to be friends either...

Just something to pass the time, here's another if you're a fan: I'm A Bastard, I Know. Here's How You Can Be Too

PREview REview: TRUE GRIT

In America the good guys wear eye patches. What now James Bond?

The Coen brothers have been a little misunderstood lately, but that's what's great about them, you never know what to expect. The trailer for TRUE GRIT was released this week, and in it's subtlety, tells you exactly what to expect.

-Jeff Bridges is back with the Coens, and he's a fucking bad ass.

  
-Little girl wants Daddies killer dead. Get ready for some good ol' fashion revenge. 

-Cowboys shootin' at cowboys. Coen style. 

I have a feeling that this will have a slight after taste of No Country For Old Men mixed with a dash of Oh Brother Where Art Thou, and if you didn't know already this is a remake of a John Wayne flick, but even with out knowing that, this trailer gets the point across clearly with the simplicity of imagery sided with the girl's carefully edited off screen dialog, and the point is this: They still can make 'em like they used to, but now with better cameras. But don't take my word for it, ♫READING RAINBOW♫ I CAN GO ANYWHERE♫ Ok, watch the trailer...

And for shits and gigs, here's the original trailer that looks like a Disney movie compared to this.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING? TWILIGHT

This is where I torture myself by watching something I know I'm gonna hate just so I can rant and rave about it in ALL CAPS before I implode. I thought I'd start out with something that really makes me rage... 

I can sum this fucking shit pile of a movie into one phrase. A FUCKING HAPPY VAMPIRE FAMILY PLAYING BASEBALL IN SLOW MOTION! WHY THE FUCK WHY? With Stephanie Meyer's Mormon propaganda aside, the film itself is horrid on every level. First the acting, KRISTEN STEWART POORLY PRETENDS TO QUIVER LIKE THERE'S A SQUIRREL IN HER PUSSY WHEN SHE SEES ROBERT PATTINSON MAKING POOP FACES AT HER! That's about it. All the other characters are about as useful as an asshole on your elbow. Bella is the new fresh meat at school and all three boys in her class want a piece of dat ass, including the gay asian, and just like every high school, the new kid is showered with welcoming friends immediately. But enough about the ludicrous story, let's go back to our beloved duo...

EDWARD YOU'RE A FUCKING GLITTERING PUSSY WHO HATES WALKING THE EARTH WITHOUT A MONOTONE DRONE TO SHARE YOU FEELINGS WITH. BELLA WANTS YOUR DICK BECAUSE YOUR THE ONLY GUY AT HER HIGH SCHOOL TALLER THAN SHE IS. LET'S IMMEDIATELY FALL IN LOVE BEFORE WE EVEN HOLD A CONVERSATION! STOP MAKING POOP FACES! YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING LIKABLE ABOUT VAMPIRES. Bella is just an utterly boring character, and Stewart's acting is colder than Edward's dead skin. Poop faces, lip biting, vampire baseball, and brady bunch vampire families. Kill me now.

This get's 4 out of 5 rage faces because I was able to sit through the whole thing unfortunately. I still would like a gun in my mouth please. 

Craigslist Encounters: WHAT A FUCKING MORON

This is one I've been working on for a while. It's not as funny as I'd like it to be because the target wasn't as reactionary as I'd hoped, BUT, the outcome is worth the read! Trust me. This has to be the most elaborate prank/troll I have ever pulled off. You might have a hard time understanding whats happening in these screen shots because the subject is so retarded, so I'll try my best to explain whats happening along the way.

First off, I'm playing the part of Michaela, but before we begin here's our lovely craigslist ad:

To save time I'll explain that I replied via fake email, and asked him to contact me on facebook so that he could see what I look like. He didn't waste anytime.

He doesn't quite get it...

 

 But now I have his phone # and address... then this happened...

 

I gave him a random address in a bad part of town. At this point he still hasn't even heard my voice and he's asked me to move in with him. So to avoid gaining suspicion later on, I had one of my good female friends give him a call. Over the phone they arranged for her move in date to be Saturday night, and that he needs to stay home during the day because she was having her things delivered to his house while she was at work. My next plan of action was to answer as many "furniture for sale ads" as possible, ask for delivery on saturday, and give them his address. Here's one of the emails I sent...

hi there, i'm very interested in couch. the only problem is that i have no car and my boyfriend's is in the shop, plus i dont know anyone with a truck. i figured its a long shot but since we're both in XXXXXX i would be happy to purchase it if there was some way for you to transport it to me. we're willing to pay extra for your troubles. would $650 be sufficient? there's not a lot of XXXXXX ads on craigslist so i thought i'd ask. my address is XXXX 1st street, XXXXX thank you - michaela & daniel

I sent about 10 of these emails out and almost all of them agreed to show up some time on Saturday. I informed them that I'd be working but my boyfriend Daniel would be there to make the transaction. So to sum up, on Saturday he will have about 6-7 people show up to his house throughout the day expecting him to purchase heavy furniture that they had to lug to his house. Chairs, dinettes, coffee tables, couches, etc. Obviously he would have to either purchase them or turn them away one after another. Then after all of that confusion, if he's still too stupid to figure out he had been fooled, he would then drive 45 minutes out of his way to a strangers house to find that his 'one love' does not in fact exist. Sounds like a bad day to me. I'll leave you with the after math...

After all of this, he refuses to believe that he was fooled. 

Finally he get's it... sort of...

As promised I sent a few screenshots to the family linked to his profile, including the link to his still active craigslist ad. So yeah, I'm an asshole. Thanks if you read all of this, I hope you enjoyed it.

Also naturally, I had quite a bit of angry emails from those who wasted their time delivering the furniture, I figured this blog would drag on too long with those added reactions, if you'd like to see them let me know in the comments and I'll post the reactions in my next blog. Thanks for reading.

If you enjoyed this you might also like:

you-want-to-be-my-friend? fuck-you-asshole

i-lost-another-friends-today

craigslist-encounters: the-boy-scout

craigslist-encounters: the-dogs-name-is-ludakris

The New "Comic Book" Movie?

Sam Rami's Spiderman movie started a big bang of other superhero stories hitting the big screen. A trend that is still going strong today. If you haven't noticed by now, movies happen in trends. When lord of the rings was big, we had medieval craze going on for a while. Studios want to milk the tit of what's currently popular until we get sick of that particular brand of milk. Comic book films are the milkiest tit in the biz right now but the milk is starting to run dry as we come closer to running out of heroes, and we've already started to dip into the reboot experiments, but I sense that a new challenger approaches. Web site movies. "The social network" has already gotten so much hype before it's release that Google is trying to catch a ride on this speeding train. Ken Auletta’s bestselling book "Googled: The End Of The World As We Know It" is currently being adapted for the silver screen. So what's next? Myspace: Tom's revenge or maybe a biopic about the rise and fall of Classmates.com? Either way, I can't wait to sell the rights for "The Mental Masochist: A Blogspot.com Story" 

If you'd like to find out some good ways to stick it to the man, and see these movies for free, my pal Rusty Cage wrote a blog with some good ideas here, get-into-movies-for-free Check it out and follow him if you dig it. He's a very generous one, that guy.

Toilet Thoughts: AN IDEAL WORLD

I’m one to ponder as deeply as the mind will allow. During moments of passing time, the questioning of existence and reality come into play. I usually tend to cling to the thoughts idealism give me. Idealism is a philosophical theory that suggests the ultimate existence of reality is held within the mind. I think I cling to this thought because of how much I want the possibility to exist. If there were the smallest of possibilities that I am just a conscious being that projects my reality exclusively within my mind, than what I perceive of reality wouldn’t really be reality at all. Everything we know will mean nothing. Our quest for certainty will become even more lost in the expanding infinity of uncertainty. Maybe then, maybe with the slightest crack of a doorway that would shine a mere glimpse of possibility, I would be able to dwell further into the belief that my physical form is only a mental projection from another dimension. Feelings, senses, and thought would be at the tip of the iceberg for human potential, if human is what we even are… But then as I sit and ponder on my porcelain throne the biological waste expels from my body and splashes into the pool of toilet water that was once peaceful only moments before. It is at this moment that I realize that, perhaps, I am more of a physical being than I’d like to be. What use would an infinite mind capable of creating realities within realities have for such useless acts such as wiping poop from your exterior? So now in this moment of shame, I realize that my existence and the existence of my surroundings are material. Shit always seems to tell me that a material existence is more absolute than an ideal one. Because in an ideal world, poop wouldn't exist.

PREview REview: Harry Potter vs. Harry Potter

This isn't a review for the movie itself. It's a review on how clear and enticing the trailer is on provoking interest in the film, or how deceptive it is on luring you into watching crap.

I'll preference this with the fact that I haven't read any of the Harry Potter books so I honestly don't know what to expect from the Deathly Hallows films.With that said, a second Harry Potter trailer was released this week for Deathly Hallows Part 1, but let's begin with the first trailer that was released.

First off, I loved this preview. This trailer did lack one thing that most trailers require, plot points, which is usually done with snippets of dialog. The dialog in this trailer does not outline the plot of the film, it just moves the dramatics and action of the trailer forward. Now let me tell you why this was completely acceptable. Usually, a teaser gives you a glimpse of the film's imagery with no plot points, just to give you a taste, and a trailer gives you a bigger picture of what to expect from all aspects of the film. Teasers are mainly used for action or suspense based films. You'll never see a teaser for a Jane Austin adaption because dramas' only selling points are plot related. This was not a teaser, regardless of the lack of verbal plot hints. This was a full on trailer for two reasons...

1) The film's main audience already knows what to expect since they read the books, so more time for action.

2) (My favorite aspect) The plot points are laid out visually, even recognizable to someone who has no interest in the HP books (me). The land scape shots display the journey that Harry must take. Harry also seems torn from his usual trio, conveying that he's alone during his journey. Ron and Hermione are paired away from Harry to reveal their separate struggle (subplot?) And of course the beautiful conveyance of conflict and connection between good and evil. The first character scene with Voldemort and Harry is bone chilling, along with the closing scene of clashing beams, a stimulating display of the ying and yang of good vs evil. This trailer had me on the edge of my seat wanting more, despite my lacking allegiance to Harry Potter.

Now on to trailer #2

This trailer is just as enticing, if not more. You get the whole package with this one. Plot elements are shown with Snape in conference with Voldemort, plans for disguising Harry, and the amazing display of conflict between Ron and Harry. You get everything from the previous trailer plus so much more. But there in lies my only quarrel with the trailer. I have found that if a trailer is too enticing and too revealing, it ruins the elements of catharsis for me when I end up sitting in front of the actual film. This is a dying cliche in the movie marketing biz, but if you want your audience to be more entertained from the film itself than the actual trailer, 'less is more'. Given that this is an amazing trailer, I feel that way too much has been revealed at this point. I've seen about five solid minutes of action flashes and sequences now, and I have a feeling that I've caught a glimpse of every climactic action scene, just like when a comedy trailer shows all their funniest parts, so now I'll be sitting there thinking "Oh Hermione is being chased. This is the part where she does that thing and black smoke appears", and so on.

I loved both of these trailers, they are mastered beautifully to intrigue both it's loyal and un-loyal fans. But I think it would have done just as good a job with just one rather than two. I feel like I've already scene the whole movie while it was on fast forward, so now my only motivation to buy a ticket is to watch it at normal speed so I can see what I missed. The only problem here is that the two previews are too good for their own good.

Check out last week's PREview REview: Preview Review - The Fighter/Hereafer

For more good info, art, and tomfoolery check out RustyCage

I LOST ANOTHER FRIEND TODAY...

I got another friend request, this one was from one of those annoying girls that use facebook as a medium for feeding their ego with googles of attention. I have no idea who this girl is, so she obviously adds random guys because she knows they will comment on her provocative pictures. This comment/attention addiction is an epidemic with youngsters. Self esteem and social status is now measured by how many comments and "like" buttons get hit on your page. So I've taken it upon myself to push these girls off their pedestal. It only took one comment to send her mouse pointer flying toward that "remove friend", followed by the "block this person" button. My comment is down at the bottom if you want to skip all the OMG I LOVE YOU rhetoric.

But just to show you what goes through my mind when I creep on peoples' profiles, I posted all my thoughts in RED. Enjoy.

 

If my debauchery entertained you there's more here:

you-want-to-be-my-friend-fuck-you-asshole 

craigslist-encounters-the-boy-scout 

the-dogs-name-is-ludakris 

I'm-a-bastard 

Also check this guy out if you haven't already, pretty sweet legit blog:

Rusty Cage

   

Time to be selfless for selfish reasons.

rustycage blog

I love finding newborn bloggers, they're so innocent and cute. But in reality I enjoy finding new legit blogs that deserve a second look. Of course I'm always interested in a good blog, but you also gotta love the loyalty you get from a new blogger. They're so helpless, so naturally any support you throw there way is certainly rewarded back to you. I found this blog today and I can tell I'm gonna be coming back to this one. Definitely more unique from a lot of the others I've seen. There are just two posts so far and I'm already jealous of his blog, check him out show some love, and I'm sure you'll get the same back. If this turns out to be helpful to everyone, I'll try to post a newborn legit blog that I find every once and a while. Thanks for the support!

 
http://rustycageblog.blogspot.com/

You want to be my friend? FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!

Every once and while I get these Facebook friend requests from complete strangers, usually from preteen girls who can't sleep at night unless they have 600 friends. I used to just hit that taboo "ignore" button, but I decided there's a much more entertaining way to handle these type of situations. So I shower them with nonsense until they delete me, HA! That'll show 'em for trying to be my friend! This was my first accomplishment, she deleted me just after 3 posts. GREAT SUCCESS. The only downside to this post is that you'll know that my name is not in fact "Dodd". So now you know I'm a big fat liar and you'll probably never come to my blog again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings! Please don't leave me! If I get some good feedback on this, I'll keep posting these as I go.

Friday PREview REview

How'd you get behind me so fast? Say hi to your mother for me.

I thought I'd try something new. So I thought I'd start reviewing movie trailers, remember this isn't a review for the movie itself. It's a review on how clear and enticing the trailer is on provoking interest in the  film, or how deceptive it is on luring you into watching crap. 

Some new trailers were released this week. Lets start with the good. The trailer for "The Fighter" coming out December 10th.

Good cast, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, and Marky Mark even seems to land his role decently.

Clear outline of the character's goal and struggle to achieve it.  Making something of himself as a boxer.

Clear opposition of the goal. What he'll have to become in order to reach the top, a sell out.

Nice display of subtext displaying a possible moral/message behind the story simply put with Wahlberg's line "I'm the one fighting, not you, not you, and not you".

It's hard to see what the possible subplot would be, there's some indication that it focuses on the brother (Bale) or the entire family as a whole. But that's what's good about this trailer, it's not overcrowded with the mentionings of subplots, it's clear and precise on what to expect from the movie, and if a trailer can be clear and honest while leaving you wanting more, than you know you'll get your money's worth come December.

Now the bad, and this one hurts for me to say. Clint Eastwood's "Hereafter".

The only good thing I picked up from this is that it's Clint Eastwood's and that it stars Matt Damon, but to me it seems just from watching two and a half minutes, that Damon just can't fit into this role.

The trailer is clear about the characters struggle to hide from his past or from his proposed ability/curse to communicate with dead people. But what the hell is the plot? He just walks around telling people he's not a psychic anymore.

Then the epic music ignites with scenes of disaster implying potential character deaths, and confirmed character deaths, always a no-no. Don't lead me to believe, and for god sakes don't flat out tell me that character is gonna die, no matter how small the role. Between character kill-offs we see a character crying, and then another, but we don't quite know why and the ambiguously, out-of-context, lines of dialog say nothing. Ok we get it, this movie is dramatic and it's about death. OOOOOOHHHHH! I'M SO INTRIGUED!

Clearly this is a character driven plot, but this movie does have a physical plot in there somewhere and we need to see what it is so that we know WHY we have to care about Damon's character.

The main thing that is clear about this trailer is that they just threw something together because they're clearly just trying to ride on the coat tails of Eastwood and Damon's names to be enough to sell the movie. I hope the same effort didn't go into the actual production of the film.

I will say that I thought something similar about Gran Tarino's trailer, and that film blew me away, so maybe trailers just aren't Eastwood's forte.

THE SCIENTIFIC PARADOX OF SPIRITUALITY

 The first thing you should realize before reading this is that the only thing you know for certain is that you don't know anything for certain.

In reference to science, the theology and philosophy behind most faiths suggest that science is either a tool of God or a tool of the Devil. It's said when science disproves spirituality it's because the devil gave man science in order to do that. One of my favorite movie quotes is "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." Let's assume there are higher spiritual powers at work. We would be like animals to them. It's like a dog trying to understand a movie plot. A dog thinks a vacuum is evil, my when we see a demon, it's just God doing his laundry? But seriously what does that say about our understanding of spiritual beings would be. By making this claim, we have to assume that our human logic would not even compare to follow theirs. Throw out the bible or any other holy books written by man, I'm talking about the general concept of spirituality.

I've known people that believe with every fiber of their being that they've seen an angel or a demon, even if it was for a split second. Now of course I tell them that science has proven that the mind is very capable of pulling tricks and hallucinations on you. When I was 5, I thought shadows on my wall formed faces, I know now that it was just my imagination. Here's in lies the issue of uncertainty. It's just as possible for science to be a facet of spiritual deception than it is for faith to be a product of psychological delusion.

If you're able to keep an open mind, you have to consider that both can discredit one another. But, that doesn't change that fact that I think belief in demons, ghosts, angles, and gods is a HUGE delusion. But I don't rule out the fact maybe I'm the one disillusioned.

Have you ever experienced anything spiritual or super natural? Are you 100% certain it was what you think you saw?

I'm a Bastard, I know. Here's how you can be too.

Is some douchebag being an asshole? Need to get back at your ex? Or do you just need some lulz? Here's a little trick I created that is guaranteed to stir up some shit.

R.I.P. ENTERTAINMENT, GOOD NIGHT SWEET PRINCE

I don't want to live on this planet anymore

Ok, so I know I'm being a complete hypocrite by saying this but I completely HATE "vloggers". It doesn't bother me that their videos are embarrassingly hard for me to watch, or that their thumbnails clutter my youtube homepage, or that the top dogs make hundreds of thousands of dollars by making generically silly comments about Snookie and commentary on funny cat videos that we've all scene 100 times already.  More power to 'em, that's what we're trying to get done here right? $$$ for doing close to jack shit. Maybe their celebrity status raises an envious brow, but that's not what this rant is about. What's bothering me is that popular vloggers are being classified as entertainers by the entertainment industry, one guy is getting a TV pilot because he plays characters that don't even reach the same comedic caliber of a bad Mad TV skit or those "from the makers of scary movie 3" spoof movies. This is what worries me, because TV networks are drooling over the potential green that could be made from the "Justin Beiber" 11-16 year old female demographic that religiously subscribe to these channels. Soon enough we'll start seeing the THE PHILIP DEFRANCO BIOPIC COMING THIS SUMMER or RAY WILLIAM JOHNSON COMMENTS ON CLIPS FROM OTHER MOVIES FOR 2 HOURS WHILE HE'S IN A MOVIE. And then that's it. POOF! That will be the end of entertainment integrity. When this preteen Twitter demographic hits adulthood, the artistry of Christopher Nolan's INCEPTION or Tarantino's INGLORIOUS BASTARDS would be considered as drab and outdated because it's longer that 6 minutes, and there are no dancing cats, and the characters use complete sentences. 

My point is that it used to actually take some effort to entertain the masses, you needed more than a video camera and a generic overplayed opinion to get studio or network recognition. Our standards are rapidly dropping therefore our entertainment value is as well. I'll have nothing left if they take my TV and movies away from me, I'd have to start reading books, OH GOD What a tragedy that would be!

So if you actually read this, tell me what you think. I'm I totally off the ship? I'm I just too lame and bitter to see what's hip these day? Or am I on to something here? Do you think the virus in viral videos are spreading to the rest of the entertainment mediums? Is that a bad thing if it is? 

Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Trolls, lulz, & word verifications

Word verification? "ajuiiticu" isn't even a real word!

I'm working on two big blog projects right now, one of which being another craigslist troll that was so kindly requested from an adoring fan... ok no more gloating. Anyway, posts will be drab for the next few days not that anyone will notice or care at this point except for me... ok no more self pity. So in the mean time I'll post a little info to keep the blog blood flowing.

I've noticed that there's lots of us still ridin' dirty with some word verifications in the comment box. If you're one of those trying to ride this "supporting bro" gravy train, this Word Verification step is one annoying stop to make on the choo choo, so check to see if you're one of the ones slowing us down; I know I used to be until someone pointed it out

Ok, now you know, so DO IT. It's so easy a caveman can do it. Hmmm. I wonder if adsense will put up some Geico ads now. Oh would you look at me, I'm rambling again...

check out my trolls ladies

We Lost Ludacris 

The Horny Boy Scout 

Craigslist Encounters: The boy scout

It's 9/11 so we all might need some laughs since everyone's pissed about nut jobs burning Korans when it doesn't really mean anything. I like to mess with people on craigslist from time to time so here are some of my 'encounters', it's just too easy.

Check out my other Craigslist encounter: http://wordofdodd.blogspot.com/2010/09/dogs-name-is-ludakris.html

Check out my thoughts on the business behind burning Korans. I'm hoping to open some eyes, so spread the word if you agree with me. http://wordofdodd.blogspot.com/2010/09/business-of-burning-books.html

Who wants to have sex tonight? - m4w - 26 (Sacramento)

I can make you feel weak in the knees, I will make you wet, I love giving oral sex, You won't be disappointed. I want to hook up with you so bad I will lick your pussy for as long as you want till you tell me to stop. Here is a little about me. Hello I am Landon I’m 26 and I’m a easy going fun loving kind of guy. No kids never been married and drug free Drama free and disease free.. I just finished School and I am a certified Medical Assistant. I’m out going, adventurous, loving, caring, romantic, and most of all fun. I like to have a good time. I am looking for someone I can share that with. I’m also a great kisser. I’m 6’1” 205lb dark brown hair blue eyes. I your interested drop me an e-mail with a picture. My computer won’t send pictures so you can see me on Facebook under Xxxxxxx de Graaff. 

Let's see what your friends think...

And your sister...

And your father...